Some parts may seem like a mid-life crisis, (which this may well be, who knows?), but this isn't a cry for help or anything. I'm - if not totally happy - at least content with my life and the hobby as it stands. I'm not about to drop everything and start cycling around central Eurasian countries or some such. At least, I don't think I am. 
I make no apologies for my grammar, syntax and over-usage of commas. This is all pretty raw and far from being a polished article or document.
Feel free to comment if you feel that something I post resonates with you or if you want to offer a counterpoint or debate something. Ask questions if you want. But if you're still reading this (why?), welcome to some of the inner workings of what could generously be called my mind. I hope you survive the experience.
For a while now, I have been trying to put my finger on what this hobby is to me and why it takes up so much of my time and energy. Would it surprise you if I said that ALL of my friends in Japan are gamers of one sort or another. Whether it's RPGs or Tabletop, I don't hang out with anyone who is unaware of or unrelated to my hobby. Whenever I have free time, hobby topics are usually what is occupying my brain. I'm cognisant of the fact that this probably isn't normal and in some (many, surely) ways it could be considered mentally unhealthy, but so far, so good.
So yeah, this passion of mine runs pretty deep and I'm not altogether certain why. Perhaps it doesn't matter, it simply is. At times it feels bigger than it should be, it's certainly the major cause for stress in my life. That could just be because I don't have much stress at work these days rather than an issue with gaming. There's nothing much to compare it to.
If you had asked me how I thought of myself prior to setting up this site, I'd have said that I was a gamer. I never really felt much need to paint, I had a fair amount of free time and I was getting in games of 40K two or three days a month with ease. I travelled as far as Kyushu for games of WFB and over the years I have taken part in small skirmishes with a handful of minis and massive multiplayer events with hundreds of figures on the tables. I like reading new rule books and trying out new systems. I don't play every system I'd like to due to time and budget reasons, but I do try to read through them to see what I think.
The first Nagoyahammer event set things off on a new course. I was regularly organising events, setting up days for gaming and generally working as more of an organiser than before. I purchased and built a bunch of terrain, made frequent trips to public centres to reserve spaces and I often wouldn't get a lot of sleep the night before the event due to anxiety. This entire site is an effort in encouraging people to get together and play. Although I do this less frequently now, whether it's big games of BA or a day of 40K, organising events takes up a lot of my time when I'm away from my hobby room.
I'm not sure when it started exactly, probably when I started doing more historicals, but at some stage I made a decision to paint everything. No more grey plastic or undercoats visible on the tabletop. That really had an impact. I couldn't just buy things and slap them together the night before a game. It took time to get stuff ready. At the same time as I was taking this swerve into the painting-zone, my gaming time was slowly eroding. People started families or welcomed new additions to them. My better half had a minor traffic accident, a result of which was that I started to spend more time at home. Though she has long since recovered from that, my hobby/home balance never shifted back. But hey, I have more time for painting. So am I a painter? I spend an inordinate amount of time at my desk compared to gaming tables. But no, I don't think I am a painter in the same way that say M_i_J is. I paint to have finished models for games (or not as you'll see), not for the interest in painting techniques or styles. I appreciate well painted figures, but I'm unwilling to devote the time to reach those levels and to utilise those skills.
As I said before, all my friends in Japan are connected to gaming somehow. There is certainly a social aspect to what we do. Solo-gaming isn't something I've put much thought into and online stuff doesn't appeal at all. I'm not really a social person though. I love the fact that to a large extent people on the trains or outside don't try to speak to me. I'm left alone to ponder what to write in massive, meandering posts such as this. You, fellow gamer, are the entirety of my social scene right now. I don't use social media, I have no time for it. I rarely head down to a pub, save for after a day of gaming. That time and money is of more use to me for hobby purposes. So I do this hobby as a social thing, but I'm not really a socialite. I feel lucky to have met such truly awesome people and to be able to spend time with them. If you have read this far, give yourself a pat on the back for being a great person.
Anyone who has seen my hobby room will probably say that I am a hoarder. It's a fair point and one which I freely acknowledge. I have always bought more than I can reasonably use. I think it is also fair to say that there is a certain level of obsessive/compulsiveness in my makeup. Collecting everything related to what I like isn't a new thing. I remember when Pokemon came out in the UK. The tag line was 'Gotta catch em all', as if it were somehow implying that people wouldn't usually try and do that anyway.
Oddly, I have no problem selling on models if I have lost interest, but a while ago I threw out a humongous pile of bitz. Konrad could have been kept busy for decades with it. But it had to go and it was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do since leaving home and moving here. Every piece put into the bin bag was a dagger to my heart. I had ideas for those bitz. Plans for things I was going to do with them. And as each was thrown away, a dream was going along with it. Of course, some of this bitz had been in my collection for 20 years without me ever once following through on my plans, but that didn't stop things from stinging as I discarded those bits of plastic and metal. I can no longer remember a time when I wasn't staring up at a huge lead mountain. Of course, being a hoarder isn't helped by the fact that I am also a dreamer. On any given day, I have an idea for a new project, another army, more terrain, something. I'd rather be in front of a computer ordering a new set of minis than in front of my workbench assembling something I already have. It's easier by far to buy something new than to ever actually get in a game with it. That doesn't seem to stop me from buying more stuff though. With Black Friday coming soon, I doubt my hobby budget will make it to the end of November without taking a massive hit.
I know I don't need stuff, but I want it regardless.Am I an enabler? I certainly seem to spend a noticeable amount of my time running people through new systems. I've shown people Saga, Malifaux, Bolt Action, Black Powder, Hail Caesar and more over the years. Quite a few of the games people play now can probably be attributed to/blamed on me. I'm a terrible influence in many ways. Similarly, if someone else shows me a game and I like it, I will probably rush out and buy a force for it. Or two. Or three. That doesn't mean that I will support a game just because I played it, but it does mean that more often than not I wind up being one of a small handful of people who play a particular system. I have armies I have bought because another player wanted to get something going. I have 2 armies for games just with Pikey that have yet to be assembled and I'm catching myself contemplating a third.
So, I'm not completely a gamer, an organiser or a painter. I hoard and dream of minis, games and projects. I enable others to do the same. But what am I? (If you said 'Insane' you wouldn't be far off the mark). Perhaps it is fair to say that I am all of the above and more besides. I am all the parts of my hobby without being any one thing specifically.
I recognise some of the flaws in my character that it brings to the surface, but I doubt I will change, mainly because I don't want to. As I said, I am content in what I do.So there you have it. A pretty immodest self-analysis serving only to massage my ego perhaps? A massively regrettable post that serves no function except to draw ridicule? There is more I want to write, I feel there is more to express.
The doors open on the left, please mind your step as you disembark from the ride.
End of act one.
), but looking at the space it takes up, having terrain like that for all the games I play is highly unlikely to happen. Grass mats are ok, (I'm not a fan of the mouse mat cloths to be honest. They feel a little flat to me.), but full terrain boards are my ideal. But I don't have time. Or room. And there is no way to transport them anywhere without seriously imposing on someone else. 
