Leaving the Schtroumpfwald

[The Underdweller]

These two are going places

If only they had any idea where.

To perform the dance of 100 Schtroumpfs?

[job]

I slowly grow hungry while reading this. It is clearly well written and/or I have no discerning appetite.

[The Other Dave]

"Tha Ogres wot?" The Schtroumpf-fatha squinted down at Weedy Schtroumpf from atop his makeshift portable throne of rough-hewn logs, already beginning to sprout mushrooms only a day after being cut.

"They, ah, didn't seem ta care for da mushrooms, boss." Weedy scratched his head through his filthy white hood. "I mean, they ate 'em, sure, but they didn't seem ta fink they was all that great."

"Huh." The Schtroumpf-fatha, along with most of the rest of the goblins who were listening to this exchange, paused a moment to ponder the utter strangeness of a creature that didn't care for mushrooms. They'd sent their best, as much of the Trolls' ration as they could spare without having to supplement their diet with too many schtroumpflings. "Huh. I'll be schtroumpfed. Well, there's no accountin' fer Ogres, I s'pose, eh? Their loss, eh? Eh?" He chortled, and most of the other goblins joined in. Neither he nor any of the others present (save Weedy, of course) had ever actually seen an ogre before, but such behavior beggared understanding. No accounting for ogres, indeed.

When the laughter died down, he leaned back down to Weedy with a squint. "So, ah, wott're you doin' back here, then?"

Weedy suddenly looked nervous and cleared his throat. "'Scuse me, boss?"

"You read the note, didn't you? All the way to the end? All the way to the bit that said what the rest of the gift was, yeah?"

Weedy bared his teeth in a nervous grin. "Oh, that. Yeah, boss, I read it. The ogres kept the other five, didn't they? The ogres, they, ah, they said I had to come back, to make sure you knew they got the message, see? It was their idea. I absolutely didn't tell 'em the note said that or nothin', seein' as how it didn't, no sir, boss."

The Schtroumpf-fatha only glared, his yellow eyes flickering in the firelight.

"They said the other five was very delicious, boss. On my honor!"

The Schtroumpf-fatha scowled for a long moment, then barked out a shrill laugh. "Ha! I know you ain't got none of that, little Weedy! Some schtroumpf, get this fella a cup of fungus wine! He may make something of himself yet!"

[Tenorikuma]

Fungus wine… might have to work that into my story.

[ashmie]

Fungus wine? But the goose is good right?
Good stuff, nicely done.

[The Other Dave]

Finka Schtroumpf stood before the gathered throng of goblins in the darkened forest - still more than he could count, but rather fewer than there had been 24 hours before. The attack by the Human forces had been disciplined and well-coordinated, everything the Goblins were not. Oh, there had been high points. The sight of the Mangler Squigs tearing through the knights up on their high horses had had the whole army cheering, as had the explosions of both Human war machines, and Fatty Schtroumpf's lot had held their own surprisingly well, fighting off (much smaller, to be sure) Human regiments from both sides with hardly a loss before Finka had ordered the army to quit the field.

But the spiders had fared less well, rashly charging a much-smaller unit of Humans with (in retrospect) worryingly large swords and being summarily cut down, including what's-his-name, their Boss the not-Schtroumpf. Not long after the horde had regrouped, it had been found that the wizard they had captured had somehow escaped (or so explained Kunnin' Schtroumpf, the Shaman who had been placed in charge of watching him - who was, some noted, doing a poor job of hiding a suspiciously magical-looking piece of parchment that some swore the Human wizard had been carrying earlier). But the worst was seeing a third of the Schtoumpf-fatha's mob dragged beneath the earth by skeletal limbs in the opening moments of the battle - including, by all accounts, the Schtroumpf-fatha himself - while the fledgling shamans struggled in vain to counter the Human magics, before the remnants of the unit had (entirely reasonably, everyone had to agree) run off, a blow which had broken the morale of the army and from which it never really recovered. It was this, in fact, that had led Finka to call the horde together.

"And so, my fellow Schtroumpfs," he continued, "It is with a heavy heart that, after today's tragic loss, I have no choice but to take on the mantle of..."

"Da Schtroumpf-fatha!" someone shouted out. Finka smiled modestly. Of course, they recognized his genius, it was only natural that one of them would leap to make the suggestion before he could.

"Yes, yes," he continued, raising his hands. "The title and red robes of..."

"Da Schtroumpf-fatha! Da Schtroumpf-fatha!" Cheers were rising. Finka scowled - this was getting out of hand. He still had quite a bit of speech ready. But no, he realized. This was...

It was the Schtroumpf-fatha. His red robes were filthy and torn, but here he was, pushing his way through the ecstatic throng with three or four of his boys in tow. "My little Schtroumpflings! Did you think something like that could keep me down?" Someone started to sing, and soon the fungus wine was flowing and the losses of the day were forgotten. What's an anonymous patch of forest, more or less? That one didn't even have any good mushrooms in. What's a few spider riders? What's a few dozen Schtroumpflings? The quest is the thing, the mission, the vision from the Great Schtroumpf, and with the Schtoumpf-fatha here that quest could continue. Mushrooms were consumed, and soon almost everyone forgot that Finka had been about to make a speech at all.

Which suited him just fine.

[asch]

Nicely done
It conveys the spirits and highlights of our battle today. It makes the blue guys charming, too!
I'll gladly give Finka the second chance

[job]

Very nicely written. I was also celebrating when the time the Schtroumpf-fatha had returned.

I look forward to the next chapter of the saga.

[YellowStreak]

Great stuff!

[The Other Dave]

Very nicely written. I was also celebrating when the time the Schtroumpf-fatha had returned.

I look forward to the next chapter of the saga.

I am suspicious that it will be more of the same, although every battle does teach me more about playing to the strengths (such as they are) of the army.